‘Communication is not with words. The moment the words stop, communication starts’
Last night we had a beautiful heart chakra ceremony. This was not part of the training. We are now allowed to do workshops and share whatever we want to share with the group after kirtan. Two students organized this one. We did a human tunnel and while all chanting Om Namo Narayanaya, one by one, eyes closed, went into the tunnel. The rest of people will guide the one inside through the tunnel by hugging and saying what they want to say. Taking the opportunity to say something to that person that you would really like to say. It has been the most beautiful experience I have ever had. We spent almost 3 hours hugging and saying beautiful things to each other. When it was my turn, people were hugging me and telling me so many beautiful things: ‘You have given me so much’, ‘I have learnt so much from you, you cannot imagine, I love you’, ‘’You are an example of kindness and patience’, ‘’Your energy is so strong, you will be an extraordinary yoga teacher’, ‘I admire you, you were so steady all the time, we were all amazed by you. I saw you blooming’, ‘You are big’, ‘I’m so happy you have found peace in this place’, ‘Thank you’, ‘Thank you’, ‘Thank you…’ I was so overwhelmed by receiving so much love. Did I said that we spent 3 hours like this!! Giving and receiving LOVE. We were crying, hugging, and loving each other SO MUCH. I will never forget this experience. And I will share it with other people. The power of love.
I feel so calm and in peace. I am totally comfortable with my silence, with myself, with my surroundings, with the people around me. I feel unity. I am content.
During yoga nidra we work on our loved ones. We visualize ourselves with our loved ones, the most memorable memory when we were together. The details of the experience, the words, the place, and our feelings at that moment, the gazes, and the atmosphere full of love. It is a very pleasant session for me. Not for everyone though. I can hear people crying.
I don’t have the pain in my head nor the heaviness in my body anymore. Does this mean that I have really found the core of it? I think so. I just need to work on it now. Practice pratyahara all the time and have an alert when a word or action of someone touches my ego or a feeling of defensiveness start to arise on me. I can do this.
We work on our dream. We visualize one complete day in our dream. All the details in it. The surroundings, the people in the dream, our partner in the dream. The whole day from morning to evening, moment by moment. ‘Feel it, feel your dream’.
Last day of classes in the ashram. A mix of feelings arise. On one hand it is a bit sad that this amazing experience is about to end. On the other hand, I am happy to go back home. I am ready. I am taking with me many things that I need to put into practice. The main one being the importance of practising pratyahara. I have a new understanding of what pratyahara is and how to practice it. I have experienced here the effects of this practice by observing my thoughts and emotions moment by moments during 4 full weeks. I have understood that observing the thoughts and emotions is only the beginning. I have identified thoughts patterns and I have tracked them back in time until I have reached the core, the cause of those patterns. That is when liberation occurs. The real understanding of why I think what I think, why I have behaved as I have behaved. I feel so liberated in so many ways. I have witnessed my own healing.
I feel as if a new chapter of my life is beginning. A new chapter with a new goal. My goal will be present in all my daily activities. I will make an effort to visualize it and feel it every day.
Last night we had another workshop on static dance. It has been incredible. I am so amazed at how talented these people are. It’s been magical. We all enjoyed so much. In my first post I mentioned that at the beginning of the course I had a dream: I could see myself dancing like crazy, without any self-consciousness, feeling deep inside totally free. I was surrounded by more people and I was dancing and dancing, freely. The scene of the dream was so clear and the feelings in the dream so intense that I have wondered through the 4 weeks about the meaning of this dream. Well, it was yesterday during this dance workshop, I suddenly realized I was in my dream!! That was the dream I had at the beginning of the course: I dreamt with the last night of the course!! This is real stuff. I had a connection there I cannot even explain.
Today it had been the diplomas ceremony. It has been beautiful. I thanked Sir and Kadambari for being such an example of patience, kindness, courage and love. I have learnt so much from them.
I got emotional during the ceremony. And I loved one of the students’ words when I told him that I didn’t want to cry but couldn’t stop it. He told me: ‘I want to stop stopping it’. I love it. I want that too, to stop stopping it. And I can tell you now that this simple sentence has become a mantra for me.
Most people have left now. I am staying one more night. The silence in the dormitory is overwhelming. I am realizing that I have got used to the noise in the dormitory to an extent that now the silence is challenging again! It is as if some part of me has gone with them. I feel everyone I met here had a message for me, a lesson I needed to learn. Now they are gone and I feel the emptiness the have left with their absence.
I am taking so many things with me.
I am also leaving things here. I have overcome barriers from my teenager years and even from my childhood. They are gone. I hope they are gone forever but if that is not the case I will face them again. I am strong and I am ready.
It is so quiet in the ashram that it seems a different place. Admiring the last sunset here in this quietness is a gift. I can only be grateful for this experience. I have found peace in this place.
The colours of the sunset are just breath-taking.
I slept really deep last night. I was so tired yesterday. I could feel the tiredness invading my body as I relaxed into the realization that the course is finished. I feel completely renewed this morning. Rested. In peace. Present. Waking up in the ashram, alone, is so special. I feel so connected to myself. I am amazed by the fly of the eagles. The elegance of their flight is overwhelming.
I am leaving the ashram now knowing deep inside that I will come back.
The End (or should I say, The Beginning...)